Deaf people tend to be homosexuals?
Do deaf people tend to be homosexuals? There is a hot topic discussed on http://www.deafloves.com recently. In this topic, Ben of this site said he had worked in nightclubs and restaurants with large gay clients for over the years and noticed a distinctly higher percentage of deaf homosexuals. And he was very curious of this phenomenon.
I have heard on occasion that Deaf people have higher proportion of gays than then general population. The deaf gay community is so large that it has its own web sites, magazines, ezines, and discussion lists.
The largest deaf gay organization is the Rainbow Alliance of the Deaf. There is even one for deaf bears and cubs, gays who prefer hairy gays. There are some famous deaf gay people. Raymond Luczak is an openly gay deaf man who has edited and published an anthologybook about being deaf and gay, Eyes of Desire: A Deaf Gay and Lesbian Reader.
And on the largest deaf dating site deafloves.com, there are also a large amount of homosexuals users, more than 2000. Bearman says in his profile “I like tall, hairy, strong guys. However, looks go so far. I would love to meet a laid back guy that loves to laugh and try new experiences. I like a man that's outgoing as well. I plan on learning ASL completely, and would love to meet a good looking Deaf man. Hit me up, let's grab some beers and see where it goes.”
Another one describes his match: ‘A man who can accept me for who I am. A man who can love me unconditionally. A man will know my loyalty to him. For better, For worse, a man knows he can have my heart. For health, for sickness, can you lead me the way? It is for you to find out.’
There are some reasons that may explain the impression that a disproportionate number of deaf people are gay.
“because of using sign language, deaf individuals are very visible at public events. Also, with studies showing less homophobia in the deaf community, deaf gay people are likely more open about their sexual orientation. So it may be easier for them to come out in the general population, further skewing perceptions”, notes Gutman.
Others say it caused by their growing environment. Sexual abuse and molestation, Deaf youngsters are far more likely to be sexually abused than hearing youngsters. Homoerotic feelings are more easily manifested and acted on because many deaf children are educated in group homes and seek comfort because they feel abandoned by their parents. Studies show that when boys have no healthy father role while growing, their feelings toward the same sex would become romanticized, sexualized & eroticized.
No one knows exactly how many gay deaf men there are in the United States. But whether you agree or not, we all have to show respect toward this culture.
Happier Marriage: Ten Tips for Creating the Marriage of your Dreams
Everyone wants a happier marriage yet few people know what to do to achieve it. So many times people look to their spouse to "complete" them instead of looking inside themselves to figure out how they can help their relationship thrive. Here are some ideas to get you started on the road to a happier marriage.
1. Overlook your spouse's faults like you overlook your own. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit you have faults, just as everyone does. If you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that you often overlook or dismiss your bad habits, while criticizing your spouse's bad habits. Decide today to go easy on your spouse. Let go of the need to correct his faults and you may find him less critical of yours.
2. Decide what kind of day you want to have, and then create it. Yes, you can do this. A rainy day doesn't make you have a "bad day." You decide how to deal with things that are out of your control, like the weather, other people's driving, your boss's micromanaging, etc. You can choose misery or you can choose peace of mind.
It begins with what you tell yourself. For example: if it's raining in the morning you can fret and tell yourself, "This is going to be a terrible day. I'll get wet, people will drive like maniacs, and I'll be late for work. This day is ruined." Guess what? You're right. Try this instead: "I am grateful for the rain. I'll leave early for work and I'll drive carefully. I can put on my favorite music and I'll choose calm. This is a great day." Your spouse will thank you when you decide what kind of day to have and her "bad mood" won't bother you!
3. A kiss on the cheek at an unexpected time can create goodwill. If you have a habit of greeting your spouse with a friendly, "Where were you? Why didn't you call? You said you were going to be here by 6:00," take a deep breath and hold that thought. Try this instead: "I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?" then kiss him on the cheek and enjoy the rest of your evening together. Maybe your spouse will think you've gone crazy, but it will definitely be a change from the usual evening sparring match.
4. Always greet your spouse with a smile. Remember why you married her and let that warm feeling create your smile. Smiles are contagious; you're likely to get one back when you practice this. When he calls you, answer the phone with a smile. You will feel differently when you smile and your spouse can hear your smile in your voice.
5. Add to this a bonus. Smiles and hugs go together like salt and pepper. We need human contact with the one we chose to marry. Hugs can melt away resentment and generate compassion. Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, declared that we need twelve hugs a day to maintain our mental health. How many hugs are you giving each other each day?
6. Always be the first to say, “I’m sorry,” even if you believe you were right (especially if you believe you are right). When you believe you are right and you're willing to create distance between you and your spouse to hold onto your "rightness" you damage your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to win the argument or win the relationship. You can't do both.
7. Make a daily habit of remembering what made you fall in love with him. If you only focus on your partner's faults, you will quickly "fall out" of love. You can decide to focus on what you like and appreciate your spouse. This is not something to keep to yourself. Appreciate her and tell her. Daily. Appreciation has a wonderful benefit of coming back to you. People will do more for you when they realize you truly appreciate them and what they do.
8. Make blame an obsolete concept. It has no place in your marriage. Blame is so dangerous to the health of your marriage. Blame says you are a victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your spouse doing everything just the way you want it. Choose to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior. Before a blaming statement leaves your mouth, ask yourself what you can do to help your marriage.
9. Total honesty is not helpful. Discretion is better. Focusing on the good things you can say to each other is best. I think some people use the phrase "I'm just being honest" to say some pretty ugly things to each other. Sometimes people say they're being honest, but they are really only expressing their opinion. Before you decide to say that "honest" thing to your spouse, think about how it will impact your relationship. Can you phrase it differently? Does it need to be said? Is it just your opinion? Think about it.
10. Ask yourself, “What can I do today that will bring me closer to the one I married?” Then do it. Keep it simple, using the examples above or creating your own. You have a creative mind and you can make this a daily habit. You will reap the benefits of a closer, happier marriage. Keep up these habits, building on them, and you can create the marriage of your dreams.
John Gray Is The #1 Selling Author On Relationships
While I was looking on the Internet to seek out information on John Gray –I came across a number of areas where the validity of the University he acquired his Ph.D. form are in question. I for one find it less relevant where he received his degree than the significance of his real
accomplishments. That is not to say there is no importance or credence to receiving a degree –but isn’t the vital property or element of such an accomplishment the underlying distinction? Isn’t that distinction itself the knowledge and understanding of the discipline one studied –and the proficiency of ones familiarity in the area of that particular instruction or training? Experience is what it comes down to in the end here isn’t it?
That being said I would like to move forward and discuss what is essentially undisputed –John Gray’s success! As the title of this very article indicates, no one has out sold him in the venue of “Relationship Repair” and many of the successful results derived from a healthy, nurturing and loving alliance in millions of homes world wide have found themselves stemming from John’s insightful comprehension of the male/female dynamic. John has made feeling an acceptable attribute in the minds and hearts of his readers. He has paved a clear path to assist in the navigation of communicating for the “Relationship Challenged” and he has reached into the depths of seemingly ruined and destroyed relationships and repaired the otherwise irreconcilable issues many couples have faced in their union.
John as been asked to speak on The View, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, Larry King, The CBS Morning Show, Live with Regis and Kelly, as well as CNN and Company and The Today show! He has sold over 30 Million books for the Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus series of books alone –and that’s not counting the ones that aren’t in that specific library of his literary works! In his Separate Subject Books –there are 5: they are titled What You Feel You Can Heal- Men, Women and Relationships-How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have – Children Are From Heaven and lastly –How To Get What You Want at Work. Most importantly, lets not forget the fact that John was a certified marriage and family therapist for more than 15 years.
He has –from my perspective done the greatest good in helping men and women decipher the secret-language-dialect we each come equipped with in our different genders…that can seem much more important than the whole debate of yester year that had us all struggling to merely “Come to terms with our differences.” “Breaking” or “Cracking” the Code has proven much more valuable because as we grow to understand the finite differences between men and women, we also welcome and appreciate those very same contrary aspects in our partners personality and behavior. That in turn leads us all to common ground and it is from there we can begin to originate a brighter desire and hope for the future. Seems to me that John has contributed something very great to the world with his broad understanding of the attributes we as men and woman possess. There’s just no-taking-sides from the insights of Johns perspective and I fully applaud that fact.
I love his brief comment in The Secret where he tells viewers that we have to fill our own selves up in order to be complete and whole. He goes on to say how we cannot keep a tally on what we have done for others –and then imply that they now owe us for our kindness and generosity. He says out right that is not how it is supposed to be –indicating that we are the only ones responsible for our feelings of self worth and importance –not anyone else. Maybe if we first get that for ourselves, we can share it and pass it on to others not yet aware of this truth. The Law of Attraction seems to be working on his behalf and perhaps that is from his efforts to serve others before serving himself…we could all learn from that gesture now couldn’t we?
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